Tonglen is a simple meditation and breathing technique that takes the suffering of others and transforms it into something positive. “Tong” means sending and “len” means receiving, so tonglen can be seen as giving someone a positive mental gift.
Tonglen meditation
What is Tonglen meditation?
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The essence of the practice is, in your imagination, you take away the pain or suffering of someone and replace it with peace and warmth.
Basically, you visualize a person in front of you, and, as you breathe in, you imagine that you are drawing out their pain or suffering. And, on the out breath, you breathe into the person love and peace.
You can do this practice in your own time, or on-the-spot whenever you encounter a potentially distressing situation. Simply stop for a moment, breathe in the suffering you see, and breathe out peace and support.
While at a restaurant, for example, you may come across a customer being rude to a server. Instead of turning a blind eye to the commotion, try tonglen. In your mind, absorb the poor server’s distress and send him encouragement and a big tip. Send the customer a delicious hamburger and a mug of beer. She’ll appreciate it. Send whatever feels right to you at the moment.
While tonglen’s roots are in Buddhism, it has recently become popular in a variety of contexts, from spiritual to therapeutic to secular. Its popularity is a bit surprising given that you are shifting your attention away from yourself and your problems, and instead focusing on helping others. If you think about it though, one of the nicest ways to be kind to yourself is to first be kind to others.
Even a child can do tonglen
In Love on Every Breath, Tonglen Meditation for Transforming Pain into Joy, Lama Palden Drolma tells a story of a sensitive three-year old girl she met, who felt upset when she saw other children hurt on the playground. She also told the Lama how sad she felt when she saw dead animals on the road while in the car. She wanted to know how to help them.
The kind Lama told her that there was a meditation that could help in these situations. She then showed the girl a crystal vajra and told her to imagine a vajra made of light, in her heart. For those of you who don’t know what a vajra is, it’s an ancient ritual tool that symbolizes the properties of diamond and a thunderbolt.
“This vajra,” she said “is all the Buddha's love and power in your own heart. Breathe the person or animal's suffering into the vajra into your heart and imagine that the vajra instantly changes the suffering into love and white light … now send this healing light into the person or animal.”
A few weeks later the little girl came back to see the Lama and happily told her that she really liked doing this practice and it helped her a lot.
There are two things I like about this story. Firstly, it shows how simple and easy Tonglen is. Secondly, I always felt hesitant about breathing in someone else’s pain, even symbolically. I pictured my own heart as not being pure enough, and strong enough to absorb and transform the suffering of others.
I’m not a Buddhist so I’m not familiar with a vajra, and it has no personal connection to me. In its place I imagine a pure diamond made of light. I feel safe imagining a diamond. You can choose any symbolic object you like: a vajra, a diamond, a pure heart, or anything you feel comfortable with.
Can you practice tonglen meditation on yourself?
Many of us habitually and unconsciously do a lot “len” and not enough “tong” - due to our kind hearts we naturally absorb the suffering of others, but we don’t know how to let it go, and so, it stagnates inside of us. We can release the stagnant emotions and trapped feelings by breathing in our own sadness and discontent and imagining it instantly changing our feelings into ones of love, peace, and safety.
How to do a Tonglen meditation
Begin by calming your mind
Find a comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed. Lie down or sit with your back straight and just stay there Relax for a few moments and unwind.
Breath in heaviness, breath out freshness
Breathe in completely, taking in feelings of negativity, darkness, and heaviness through your nose and all the pores of your body. Breathe out completely, radiating feelings of brightness and freshness out through your nose and every pore in your body. Continue breathing like this until your visualization is synchronized with your in- and out-breaths.
Focus on a painful situation
Center your attention on a painful emotion or past experience that is bothering you or someone you care about and wish to help. If, for instance, you are feeling lonely, breathe in loneliness for yourself or for the person you wish to help. Breath loneliness into the imagined vajra or diamond in your heart, and see it transformed into friendship. Send out that friendship in any form you wish. It could be the feeling of friendship or perhaps you could send a hug.
Expand your compassion
Finally, make it bigger. If you are doing tonglen for a beggar on the street, extend it out to all beggars. If you are doing tonglen for someone who lacks self confidence, do it for all the others in the same boat, even for those who have hurt you or hurt others.
I’m Dr. Rodger Douglas, DMH, a South African-born homeopath now based in Osaka, Japan. With a psychology degree from Nelson Mandela University and a diploma from the Hahnemann College of Heilkunst, I specialize in holistic care for fibromyalgia. I serve clients by phone or video across the US, Canada, the UK, and Europe.